Dirty Talk for Beginners

Verbal play, often referred to as talking dirty, is considered a cornerstone of exceptional sex — at least according to popular culture. But what if you’re unsure how to engage in it, or you've attempted it and felt uncomfortable? Many of us feel embarrassed at the idea of murmuring suggestive remarks to our partner, and let's be honest — we've all encountered dirty talk that resembles a scene from a poorly made adult film. 

However, even introverts who dislike artificial, 50 Shades-style dialogue (and really, who doesn't) can appreciate verbal play. How do you begin? By tuning in less to the dirty talkers around you and more to your own voice!

Check In with Your Feelings

So, you're prepared to assert your right to express yourself through verbal play, and we're here to support you! The initial step is not to recall the dirty talk you've encountered before, but to forget it. Exactly — try to remove it from your mind as much as possible (or at least push it firmly into the background).

Verbal play starts not with another person's words, but by recognizing your own feelings and expressing them in words. 

A perfect opportunity to explore this is during masturbation. Utilize a familiar meditation technique by focusing intently on physical sensations, both sexual and non-sexual. How does it feel when you initially touch your vibrator/hand/shower spray to your skin? 

Observe how your body reacts and what sensations are pleasurable. What causes you to shiver, gasp, or clench your teeth? What do you enjoy and desire more of? Additionally, pay attention to the thoughts that arise. Your thoughts indicate which feelings are most crucial to express and serve as reliable guides into the erotic realm of verbal play.

Now, Just Add Some Words

If you're accustomed to a sexual experience filled only with moans and gasps, it might feel unusual to hear yourself speak clearly during solo activities. Work on creating a mental space free of judgment, where everything you say, whisper, or groan is neither right nor wrong. Become comfortable with the sound of your own voice expressing a new and sensual language.  

Begin by expressing what you feel, even if it's as simple as "this feels good." Describe any sensation that grabs your attention, from tingling in your spine to muscle contractions. Although this detailed description may seem a bit dull, uttering anything — regardless of how basic it might appear — is the ideal method to gradually ease into complete dirty talk.

Moreover, whispering “my spine is tingling” into your partner’s ear during a passionate moment sounds incredibly enticing.        

Practice Makes Perfect 

Congratulations! You've ventured into the realm of verbal play on your own and emerged unscathed. Before introducing it to your partner, give it another try. And then another. Like all sexual activities, talking dirty is a skill that requires some time and effort to master. 

If your current expressions are limited to mild comments about your physical reactions, consider incorporating words that excite you when you hear or read them. What language excites you in movies, erotic literature, or during interactions with partners? Words that might seem inappropriate in polite settings can gain a new and stimulating significance in the context of verbal play. 

Let Loose on Your Words!

There's a vast difference between the "fuck" you say in traffic and the "fuck" you whisper breathlessly during sex. The C-word can serve as both a shocking insult and a tempting invitation (especially when preceded by "want," "eat," and "your"). Tone and intention are as crucial in dirty talk as they are in regular conversation. 

As you practice, work on getting comfortable with your arousing words and forming them into sentences. Pay attention to which language crosses the line from thrilling to excessive, and don't hesitate to drop words that don't feel right to you. Verbal play has no rules and is yours to shape.  

And remember — verbal play is all about pleasure! You don’t have to progress to dirty talk with a partner, now or ever. Your private verbal sessions can remain your little secret for as long as you wish.

Begin with foreplay

Rather than diving into physical intimacy and verbal play simultaneously, some prefer to start with sexting or engaging in phone sex with their partner. Sending a quick message like “can’t wait to feel your hands on me” allows you to gauge your partner’s reaction to your new verbal skills without the pressure of a face-to-face encounter. If your partner responds positively or sends a smiling devil emoji, you know you’re on the right path.     

But what if they appear surprised or somewhat uncomfortable? Asking “Too much?” can often initiate a conversation about verbal play, helping both of you understand each other’s preferences and boundaries. 

The Moment has Arrived 

So, you're eager to engage in verbal play with a partner. Whether you've practiced or not, you're excited to give it a try. The moment has come, and your partner is close enough to hear. Should you inform them that tonight will be a bit different? What if they dislike dirty talk, or, worse yet, ask you to stop?

Don't hesitate to give your partner a heads-up before the fun starts. A simple, "Hey, tonight I want to tell you how good you make me feel. Is that okay with you?" is likely sufficient to set the tone. You can also remind your partner to let you know if they feel uncomfortable with anything, including verbal play.  

Be Present

When you and your partner are together in the same space, it's time to engage in intimate conversation. If you find yourself tongue-tied in the heat of the moment, try offering simple compliments or expressing your feelings. Even saying "I feel nervous telling you how much I want you" can be a form of playful communication. You can also ease into face-to-face intimate talk through role play, reading erotica aloud, and sharing words that excite you.   

After getting through the initial exciting or intimidating moment, you might discover that verbal expression becomes natural quite quickly. There's no shame in expressing what excites you and how you feel, but there is a lot of pleasure.   

Guidance for Beginners

Still struggling? Need some inspiration? Here are some simple prompts to get the words flowing:

• I enjoy it when you...

• I desire you to...

• That feels/I feel…

• Keep going... 

• You look/smell/sound/feel…

• I can’t stop…

• All day I was thinking…

• You don’t realize how much…

• You’re excellent at…

• Do you know what I really want right now?

• Please (followed by just about anything)

• Yes

• I wish I could…

• Your partner’s name 

• Oh (followed by the deity of your choice)

Wrapping It Up

Verbal play extends beyond mere profanities. It serves as a form of erotic communication that showcases your personality and creativity, potentially being as stimulating as physical and visual cues, if not more so. With some intention and practice, even the most reserved individuals can find pleasure in engaging in dirty talk with their partners and themselves.

If you seek personalized advice or wish to delve deeper into the topic of verbal play, don't hesitate to reach out! We're always eager to suggest books, other informative resources, and of course, excellent pleasure products! Simply email us at myintimacycollective@gmail.com, or send us a DM on Instagram or TikTok.